So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
