I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
