help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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