Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
