I just cut my nipple shaving
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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