When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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