That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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