I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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