Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Sober January is a disaster.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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