Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
