apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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