Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
