Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
stop calling my apartment porn island.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
