last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My ass is underappreciated
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
