Umm I'm too high to move.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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