Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Welp...herpes.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
