Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
where does the pee come out of this thing
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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