also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
