Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize