Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize