I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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