Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Oh god it's open bar.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
