If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
