You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
