would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
