Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Need sex. Gaining weight.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
