3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
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