I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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