i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
