did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
