planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
