I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
