He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
