just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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