its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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