I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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