Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
