Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
there is glitter all over my balls
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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