booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
