I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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