grandma shit on top of the toilet
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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