I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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