I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
