Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
