Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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