He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
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