I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
It's never too late to be topless.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
