eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
