Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
