So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
