dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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