the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
