I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
