If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
