her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
