You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
