Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
