i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
3pm strippers are depressing
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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