if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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