this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
