so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
