He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
