No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
i think my cat just said my name.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
