No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
