make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize