I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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