Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
