I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
