Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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