I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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