suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
