She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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