I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
