Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
