everyone is single if you try hard enough
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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